Arriving in Paris - March 14, 2012

I was intimidated, arriving in Paris, France. It could have been that I had been traveling for 18 hours at that point. And did not sleep the night before after being on set for about 10 hrs during which I shot some really beautiful photos with Kelly Lind, who I adore so so much, and finally after knowing Mark Wood for 3 years and never having fucked each other got to have amazing gaping butt sex with and in front of pornographer Mike Quasar for the FIRST time who was one of the first people I met in porn 4 years ago in Montreal, Canada! It was a tiresome day cause of all the over stimulus… Tiresome but only because of too many wonderful things going on. And because of errands the day before, an endless list of “To-do’s” and packing for France, only slept about 3 hours the night before my scene.

It may have been because I was stepping into unknown territory, geographically, intellectually, emotionally… And though I had done an impressive job resisting the urge to indulge my brain in living every possible scenario, in every way things could turn out successful or disastrous, the path my life (& I unconsciously) took which led me to taking my first trip overseas and for the secret reasons I did, was so surreal, and so movie-like (even for me!) … I was overwhelmed in the best way possible. I estimate that I’ve been searching in desperation to feel this at such magnitude for… nearly 4 and 1/2 years. That was when I moved to Montreal for the first time. I have had monumental experiences consistently since then, but the purity of that escape to freedom, is the same escape from my self-created personal hell that I’ve been clawing my way out of. And it’s funny and all too appropriate that in both circumstances the biggest similarity is that salvation came when I let go which could only be done by let my grip free from the walls of the hell I was in and free fell my scary way to the bottom of the black hole which I couldn’t see from where I was dangling, that it was truly a tunnel with a light at the end, which is what every terrible experience is.”

Now here is what I actually intended to write, hehehe:

Oh my goodness. It is so so quiet in the airport, it’s unbelievable. It’s so incredible there are tears in my eyes & the quietness alone is so unbelievable I’m trembling. An airport employee whispers “Ca va?” I can barely hear him but it doesn’t matter. The air in baggage claim was so gentle there was no need for him to be any louder and I whispered back in an even smaller, more delicate voice, “Oui.”

xo Sparky

 

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — Sparky Sin Claire @ 9:10 pm

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