It’s been almost a year and a half since my last post. Since then, I have given birth and my baby girl is now a year and 4 months old. I have lost 65 of the 75 lbs I gained during pregnancy. Moved to a beautiful apartment of my own where my daughter can finally have her own room (and so can I)!!!! Taken trips to Montreal, CA and roadtripped up the coast to Washington. I’ve started webcamming regularly, my libido is back and it’s higher than ever before. I anticipate shooting porn again…. I can’t wait. I just don’t want to come back before I know for certain it is time and I am comfortable with all the ways in which my body has changed since pregnancy & post-pregnancy. My husband and I completely opened our relationship. More about this to come….. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself in probably all of my relationship history.
I don’t even know where to begin. There is just…. SO MUCH.
I’m going to shower now, because that’s how I re-birth myself every day…. but I just needed to post for you, but actually just needed to post for myself, no matter how lame or short or inarticulate it may be, that it’s time to start writing. Too many signs, too many slaps in the face from the universe lately to help me realize that it’s too easy to make excuses for the rest of your life to do something with it. It’s too easy to organize your teeth collection or scrub the grout that holds the tiles together in the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. But at the end of the day, I make the choice to have ignored something deep within me. Not just the desire, but the NEED to experience things that most people would be too afraid to, to extract the truth from those experiences and then share them with whoever wants to read about it. It’s the most pure and honest avenue I have come up with to make use of my lack of shame and my burning desire to make myself completely vulnerable to the world and bare it all, not just in porn with my physical body but to strip my mind of all it’s layers and masks and deep hidden away caverns… perhaps I’ll hang on to a few of those for now. I still need a hiding place or two.
This blog is re-opened for business.